yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
