I'm drive I can fine osifer
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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