the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
