he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
