Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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