Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
