So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
