you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
