i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
