He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize