You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
