I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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