I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize