I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
