is your mom at the bar?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
where are you?
Hypothermia
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
