Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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