I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
