So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
