if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
