I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
