saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
