WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
