I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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