It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
