My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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