she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
