His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
