google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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