he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
