You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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