I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
