I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize