The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
