Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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