OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
thus making me awesome and them whores
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
