This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Randomize
