Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
