Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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