Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize