I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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