my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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