You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
