She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
