Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
