I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
