if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
