ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
