ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
