I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
