Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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