Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
