Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
