i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
