...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
