It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
