oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
