Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
