What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
