I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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