"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
