So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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