This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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