I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you had me at cake vodka
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
