in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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