i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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