i permit you to call me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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