the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
