if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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