First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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