this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize