Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
