i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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