i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
