im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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