i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
