I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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