Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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