he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
