i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
