He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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