I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
