where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
