"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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