6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
